A Recap of the Recap

As a long-time fan of the Bachelor (and previous recapper), I’ve taken it upon myself to recap Hannah Brown’s season. So here it is: the Rose Recap of Season 15 episode 6.

Folks, I've watched every episode of a Bachelor franchise show since 2016 and this has to be the worst episode I've ever seen.

We pick back up where we left last week's episode: reminding the viewers how much the boys don't like Luke. ABC has a way of both overestimating and underestimating how much I care about this drama. I'm so tired of every episode revolving around Luke it but I still know that I'm going to tune in to all two hours of this episode.

Hannah and Luke are on their one-on-one (spoiler: this will be the only date in this episode), and Hannah tells Luke that he doesn't get a rose. Luke is either dumb or manipulative because even after he makes Hannah spell it out to him that no rose means he has to go home, he still comes back and begs for forgiveness part 4,209. Luke doesn’t get a rose but gets to stay even though the number one rule on this show is that if you don’t get a rose, you go home.

Luke's praying to stay on the show but I'm praying for him to leave ASAP

Finally, we head into the cocktail party.

Hannah casually quotes a Bible verse that's not one of the three verses everyone likes to use, and I think that's pretty telling of her faith, which is something that, according to Chris Harrison, Luke and Hannah connect over.

The whole cocktail party is a mess because the boys bully Luke but think they're being heroic, so the act like they're morally superior (here's looking at you Garret), and Hannah finally tells everyone to "stay in their lane," but the boys who don't have strong connections with Hannah keep on stirring the pot while Tyler and Peter remind everyone that Hannah asked them to knock it off.

Hannah can hear the boys shenanigans, drinks her glass of wine JPJ style, and goes back to the boys and reminds them that she's aware that everyone doesn't like Luke but she's an adult and they need to trust her to sort it out on her own.

Now 40+ minutes into this episode we get to rose ceremony from last week.

Jed and Mike already have roses.

The remaining roses go to:

• Connor

• Tyler

• Dustin

• Peter

• Dylan

• Garret

• Luke

We say goodbye to:

• Grant

• Kevin

• Devin

Here what I'll say about the rose ceremony: Hannah knows that all the other boys don’t like Luke and yet she keeps him around, that just seems disrespectful to the other guys, and if she saw a future with any of them, she wouldn't do this.

The boys are of to Latvia, and instead of seeing any dates there, we spend the last half of the episode recapping the 5 and 1/2 episodes of the season so far. Hannah pretty much says that she doesn't know if she wants to continue the show because she's not sure her husband is there and she doesn't want to continue to give away herself emotionally if she isn't going to end up with her husband.

Me telling ABC to quit the recap and just let us see this week's dates instead

The only part of the recap worth talking about is that Hannah had only kissed 5 boys before the show and apparently Luke is the best kisser, to further convince me that Hannah and I are the same person, she named her pimple and referred to it by name, which I definitely thought I was the only one who did that, and lastly: we need to address Hannah’s jewelry situation? It’s like me in middle school but make it fashion.

The episode finishes with a season preview and it has me all kinds of shook, mostly at Luke, but I'll recap that soon, I'm sure.

One more bit of Bachelor nation news: the cast for Paradise has been released and boy, oh boy I'm not ready.