Holy Hometowns

As a long-time fan of the Bachelor (and previous recapper), I’ve taken it upon myself to recap Hannah Brown’s season. So here it is: the Rose Recap of Season 15 episode 8.

Ladies and gentlemen, there was a thunderstorm while I was watching this episode and as a result my signal kept cutting in and out, so I saw most of the episode, but be warned, I might have missed your favorite moment.

Our first hometown is in Westlake Village, California with Peter.

Peter says they're going to take a ride, so I assume that they'll be flying but instead they go to his car and I guess from there they go to the airport/hanger/whatever but I'm mostly just guessing because this would be an instance of my signal going out, so one second they were in the car and by the time my connection came back, they were landing the plane.

Since all conversations with the family follow the same pattern ("there are three other guys," "I've never seen him look so happy," parents not trusting the process in general, etc.) and my signal went out for a portion of these interactions, I've made a bulleted list of noteworthy moments from meeting the parents.

Notable moment's from meeting Peter's family:

• this is the idea hometown for me: just meeting the parents and siblings. It's a little overwhelming when they show up and 40+ people are there

• Hannah is really controlling and expects the men to change for her, but doesn't plan on doing the same.

I don't care if this is the order that they were shot in, editing them in this order was a mistake because right after Peter, Hannah goes to Jupiter, Florida to see Tyler, and now I know that after this date, the rest of the episode is bleak.

Tyler has the most flirtatious relationship with Hannah of the four remaining guys. Hannah says that she thinks he's hot but wonders if he's ready for marriage, which I'm worried could be foreshadowing so I'm ignoring it.

Tyler takes Hannah on a boat ride, and they drive past the house that he grew up in pre-recession, and then talks about how this is the first time in a while that he will have seen his dad. This is a big deal because Tyler's dad was really sick before the show and the way Tyler was talking about it made it seem like he had already mentioned this before, but I know this was the first I'd heard of it.

Notable moments from meeting Tyler's family:

• Tyler's reunion with his dad is the sweetest thing I've seen on television and deserves an Emmy

• Hannah and Tyler's outfits are so different, it looks like what happens when you forget to ask what everyone is wearing in the group message

• Tyler gets in! the! car! with Hannah to have so extra kissing time

There are two jokes I can make about Gainesville, Georgia, home of our one and only Luke: the first is curtsy of my brother after watching Luke's intro package, "of course he's from GAINSville," the second is the fact that Gainesville is the Poultry Capital of the World, and the town has a monument to celebrate this fact.

when anyone asks me why hannah has kept luke this long:

This date takes place on a Sunday, and Luke says that before church, they have Sunday school, as if it's a revolutionary concept, and then he takes Hannah there. Instead of the Sunday school I'm used to, where someone brings breakfast, this Sunday school group goes out to get breakfast, so maybe it's more revolutionary that I was giving Luke credit for.

Our satellite cut out and when it came back, Luke was sharing his testimony about being addicted to sex and then Jesus told him to knock it off. Believing in God and sharing your testimony are both good things, however Luke weaponizes his faith and uses it to be manipulative, which is why I give Luke so much grief about this.

Notable moments from meeting Luke's family:

• Luke says "our relationship has been on track for a week and a half!" and I'm trying to follow his crazy logic, but it wasn't on track in Amsterdam

• I love denim on denim but after seeing Luke wear it, I might never wear it again.

• the whole deal with "that's not how Luke really is" is that you are an amalgamation of your best and worst; you can't just say that the "real you" is only the parts of you that are good.

Last, we go to Tennessee to see Jed and while I was pretty sure they were in Nashville, at one point they said they were in Sevierville, which isn't anywhere near civilization so truly, I have no idea.

In case you forgot that Jed was a singer/songwriter, he takes Hannah to a studio and they write a song together. I'm starting to miss Cam and his freestyles. In the middle of recording the song, Jed tells Hannah that he's in love with her, which in Bachelor terms, is a step above falling in love.

Notable moments from meeting Jed's family:

• his family tells Hannah that she would ruin his music career, as if 1) he doesn't already have a girlfriend and 2) making it this far in the show is the not going to give him more exposure that he would have gotten on his own

• Jed's dad has a soul patch

Normally we have no time left for a rose ceremony, and this week we have 17 whole minutes, so that's a bit of a red flag.

Roses go to:

• Peter

• Tyler

Then Hannah walks out to talk to Chris and says that she can see herself with all of them. She walks back in, Chris gives her another rose and they go to

• Luke

• Jed

I'm not sure how the show is going to progress from here; is the season going to be one week longer? is Hannah getting rid of two boys next week? is next week still fantasy suites? I guess we'll have to tune in next week and see what the heck is going on.