Was This a Date or Just Couples Counseling?

As long-time fan of The Bachelorette (and previous recaper), I’ve taken it upon myself to recap Clare Crawley's season. So here it is: my Rose Recap of Season 16 Episode 2.

Even in these uncertain and unprecedented times, week one of The Bachelorette follows its typical formula of two group dates and a one-on-one.

The first group date: I’m looking for a guy who speaks to my heart.

• Riley

• Jordan

• Yosef

• Ivan

• Ben

• Bennet

• Zac C

• Zac J

• Dale

This date is all about love languages, and let me say that not being able to travel might be the best thing that could happen to this show because a date focused on love languages is a better concept than the weird obstacle course that normally happens week one and actually matters in your relationship outside of the show. They go through words of affirmation, gifts, and physical touch and it's all kind of cringey, but not as cringey as forgetting about acts of service.

The after party is supposed to be quality time except none of the boys make a move to get one-on-one time with Clare which hurts her feelings. After a little prompting Bennet takes Clare away from the group and this is the first time that he isn’t dressed like the stepdad in every 90s movie.

Clare is still messed up from the boys ignoring her so she leaves Bennet to address the group. Listen. I love Clare because she’s self destructive but in a very different way than I am. There's nothing passive about this woman.

While Yosef and Riley get in some weird fight, Dale pulls Clare aside so that they can have a calm conversation and I'll be honest, Dale seems like a good balance for Clare. Their conversation wasn't exactly of any substance, but still better than focusing of Yosef's bickering.

Riley gets a chance to talk to Clare and he seems like he knows his apology language and not just his love language, which is maybe the most attractive thing to me. He pretends that they’re at prom and they kiss. And spoiler: he gets the group date rose.

The One-on-One: "Jason, love will set us free”

Clare and Jason write letters to their younger self, talk about words that have been used to hurt them, and eventually burn the dress Clare wore when Juan Pablo broke up with her. This seems a too intense for a first date and not intense enough for a therapy session, but they both cry so it was valuable for them and like a good way to build a foundation for a relationship, instead of on Ben's season where the first one-on-one ended with them in a hot tub with Kevin Hart.

Jason has some baggage and Clare wants him to share that and I understand where she’s coming from but also I’m not sure how I’d feel sharing how I'm damaged with someone who I knew was dating someone else. Jason folds under pressure and sort of talks about his family dynamic. He keeps it pretty vague but it satisfies Clare and he get the rose.

The Second Group Date: I'm Looking for a man with some Balls (I'm sorry Mom).

• Blake Moynes

• Brandon

• Chasen

• Jay

• Joe

• Kenny

• Eazy

• and 3 other boys but they didn't read the date card on camera so your guess is as good as mine

The gimmick of this date is that it's dodgeball but if your team looses you have to take of a piece of clothing. This stunt could never (and should never) be pulled on The Bachelor so I'm not sure why this kind of thing happens every season of The Bachelorette. I think production knew this was a bad idea because they made Clare introduce it like it was her idea.

After losing, some of the guys on the blue team are good enough sports and strip completely naked but Blake acts like this is the beginning of his villain origin story. The red team's prize for winning is more time with Clare and a chance to snag the group date rose.

Blake shows up to the after party, even though his team lost. Clare rejects his kiss and sends Blake back to this room. The fact that he's broken rules in both episodes that we've seen to get more time to talk to Clare just makes me think that he won't respect boundaries but maybe I'm projecting.

Brandon gets sent home because the only reasons he gave for wanting to be with her are that she's beautiful and he's ready for love. Clare gives the group date rose to Chasen so I guess he must be a decent kisser because that's all I saw them do on this date.

Once the cocktail party begins, Blake somehow gets a rose before the ceremony and it kinda reminds me of last season when Peter would just reward the bad behavior with a rose but whatever.

Yosef tries to start more drama because he's mad at Clare for the strip dodge ball and he wasn't even on that date? Like I didn’t enjoy the strip dodgeball but I also have enough braincells to know that it wasn’t Clare’s fault. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait to wait a whole other week for this drama to resolve.

xoxo,

Cyber Claire

@roserecaps