A Rose Ceremony & A Roast Ceremony

As long-time fan of The Bachelorette (and previous recaper), I’ve taken it upon myself to recap Clare Crawley's season. So here it is: my Rose Recap of Season 16 Episode 3.

This episode starts by reminding us of last week's strip dodgeball fiasco, which I think everyone could do without but we have to relive it all because Yosef is on some weird moral high horse about a date he didn't even go on.

Yosef says that he can didn't like the concept of the date because he doesn't like raunchy humor. Which is a valid stance, but the way he told Clare about his concerns raised every last one of my red flags. I don't know how to describe it because my self-preservation instinct blocked out most of what he said. As Yosef leaves, he tells Clare he expected more maturity from the oldest bachelorette. And just to flip the script on Yosef: I was expecting more southern hospitality from an Alabama resident.

Clare starts weeping, and Dale appears out of nowhere to comfort Clare and during her chat with production, Clare says she’s "falling in love" with Dale. Clare doesn't stop crying and cancels the cocktail party in favor of going straight to the rose ceremony.

Jason, Chasen, Riley, and Blake Moynes already have roses.

The remaining roses go to:

• Dale

• Zac C.

• Demar

• Brendon

• Jordan

• Joe

• Jay

• Bennett

• Eazy

• Ben

• Ed

• Ivan

• Kenny

• Zach J.

We take a moment and say our goodbyes to:

• Blake Monar

• Garin

• Jeremy

And just a quick aside before we get to this week's dates: I know I am in the minority, but I like Clare and I like this season. Especially after the last couple of seasons, it's refreshing seeing someone who's sure of their number one. And realistically, other leads probably behave similarly to Clare, but the editors for this season are adjusting their normal routine to get us to believe in Clare and her romance in 4 episodes instead of the normal 12.

"Today we Separate the Men from the Boys"

• Jason

• Jay

• Eazy

• Chasen

• Blake

• Ed

• Riley

• Dale

Clare sets up a date with her favorite boys (and Ed) but former Bachelorette DeAnnna comes to give advice and stays so long that in a Bachelor/ette first, Clare cancels the date but still insists on having the after-party. And I guess I'm just confused why they didn't reschedule altogether, but this makes better TV I suppose.

Dale asks to speak to Clare first and she takes him to her suite (the Clare Liar, if you will), and gives Dale a tour that ends in, you guessed it, her bedroom. I will give Dale some credit, he does have a little bit of a conversation with Clare but pretty soon it dissolves into kissing that only ends when Eazy knocks on the door looking for Clare. And even though Dale relocates to a chair by the time Clare opens the door, he's pretty much cemented himself as season villain, at least to the other guys, especially when Clare gives him the group date rose and then he says that he's "best suited" for her.

"I’m Looking for my Best Friend!"

• Zach J.

Zach comes a long way from being called last at the rose ceremony and we get our first spa date of the season. It's pretty nondescript except for at the end of the date, there's some upset when Clare and Zac lean in for a kiss; someone doesn't lean far enough in so their lips don't meet and they both get agitated by it.

They have a minor kerfuffle where Zach grabs Clare by her neck to try to get her to kiss him and his aggression and disrespect for her boundaries triggers Clare so she sends Chris Harrison to break up with Zach for her, which really I cannot fault her for because I can only imagine what it would be like to relive the trauma from an abusive relationship.

"Don’t take it Personally!"

• Ben

• Zac C.

• Kenny

• Joe

• Bennett

• Ivan

• Jordan C.

• Demar

• Brandon

Margret Cho hosts this date where the entire premise is that the boys roast each other. Since it is essential for the boys to have an audience, the boys from the house get to be in the audience, and pretty much everyone is mad that Dale ended up on a date he wasn't supposed to be on.

I’m sure there were good roasts but to continue the narrative of the episode, we just got repetitive digs at Dale, which mostly were to the tune of "Dale is Clare's favorite. He knows it and we know it," which is kind of a weird thing to base a whole roast off of and backfires almost immediately because Clare pulls aside every single guy to grill them about their roast of Dale. At the end of the night, the boys are annoyed, Clare is annoyed, and I am annoyed. Clare pulls another potential Bachelor/ette first and doesn’t give anyone the group date rose because she’s mad at everyone for roasting “her fiancé.”

The episode ends on a cliffhanger, and truly I am ready for this season to be over so I can know for sure if Clare is happy. We finally got confirmation from The Bachelor that Tayshia is at least showing up soon. And I will be just as excited and supportive of Tayshia as I am of Clare and I am truly looking forward to it.

xoxo,

Cyber Claire

@roserecaps