The Devil Works Hard, but Bachelor Producers Work Harder

As long-time fan of The Bachelor (and previous recaper), I’ve taken it upon myself to recap Peter Weber’s season. So here it is: my Rose Recap of Season 24 Episode 1.

The first night is historically my least favorite episode; it’s a lot of people to meet in a short amount of time and it can get really repetitive (especially with these girls’ limo exits). For everyone’s sake, I’m keeping the first half of this episode short and sweet.

Peter’s intro package serves as a reminder to us that he is a pilot, he participated in the windmill shenanigans, and maybe he’s not over Hannah. Now that we have that covered, we don’t have to hear about either one of these things ever again!

Just kidding! As the girls exit the limo there are by my count: three windmill related entrances, five pilot themed entrances (not including the three flight attendants), one girl who mentions that she’s from Alabama, and about 4363 girls mention Hannah Brown.

While I’d love to tell you more details about each and every limo exit, the most noteworthy one is done by my personal friend, Hannah Brown. Hannah shows up, returns the wings that Peter gave her when they met, and she seems to genuinely be happy for Peter.

After Hannah leaves, Peter goes to talk to the girls and he starts kissing a few, notably Hannah Ann, who 1. gives me bad vibes 2. interrupts the other girls even after she’s had enough time with Peter and 3. gets the first impression rose.

The remaining roses go to:

• Victoria P.

• Madison

• Kelley

• Lexi

• Savannah

• Lauren

• Tammy

• Alayah

• Jasmine

• Sydney

• Natasha

• Mykenna

• Deandra

• Sarah

• Alexa

• Kelsey

• Payton

• Kiarra

• Courtney

• Shiann

• Victoria F.

And ladies who do not receive roses and must go home:

• Avonlea

• Eunice

• Jade

• Jenna

• Maurissa

• Katrina

• Kylie

• Megan

The episode doesn’t slow down and we immediately go to dates:

"Look Up" The First Group Date

• Hannah Ann

• Kelly

• Deandra

• Tammy

• Victoria P

• Jasmine

• Victoria F

• Shiann

This date is about, you guessed it: flying.

They put about four dates worth of activities into this one including “flight school” where the girls were tested on math and aviation terms, a human gyroscope for no real reason except that Victoria P. must have mentioned that she gets motion sick and production wanted to torture this girl, and an obstacle course.

The obstacle course almost had the redeeming quality of whoever wins gets more time with Peter, except Kelley cheated and still got the one on one time (which probably is because Peter wanted to spend more time with her than with who would have won, however I still wish that the rules actually mattered).

Kelly secures her spot as this season’s villain as she shows no remorse for cheating and interrupting the other girl's time with Peter. Imagine what would happen if the other girls knew that she gets the first Peter Weber trademarked kiss, which is essentially any kiss where Peter puts the girl on a piece of furniture i.e. pool table, countertop, etc.

example of the Peter Weber Trademarked Kiss

Despite having a couple of sweet moments with Victoria P. (post vomit and all), the kiss carried some wright and the group date rose goes to Kelley.

"I want to show you what forever looks like" The One on One

Madison

In what has to be the wildest first date ever, Peter’s parents renew their vows, Pete officiates, and Madison just? tags along? And to make matters more interesting, Madison catches the bouquet. Let me say it again: the devil works hard but The Bachelor producers work harder.

The evening portion of the date feels like it happens much later in the season; it doesn’t feel like they’re just getting to know each other and their relationship already feels established. Madison gets the rose and instead of crashing a concert, their private concert gets crashed by Peter’s family.

"Hope this isn’t awkward…" The Last Group Date

• Lauren

• Sydney

• Payton

• Natasha

• Alexa

• Kelsey

• Mykenna

• Alayah

• Savannah

This date is about Peter's other personality trait: the windmill. And this date features our very own Miss Hannah Brown.

She shares the story of her and Peter’s relationship, windmill and all and the explains the premise of the date: to share one of your own iconic sex stories. Maybe it’s the whole growing up Baptist thing but this date is too cringey and I don’t want to hear about this. And luckily I don’t have to because the focus of the date switches to Hannah really quick.

A producer asks Hannah about how she’s feeling, and what she thinks about Peter and she starts crying. She isn't wearing waterproof mascara because, y’all say it with me now, the devil works hard but The Bachelor producers work harder.

I know this is Lauren Conrad but imagine it's Hannah

Peter finds Hannah and they discuss their relationship and their regrets; its some of the most vulnerable footage I’ve ever seen, even more than the breakup with Jed.

The episode ends there and we’re left wondering if Hannah comes on the show or if this blog is just going to turn into a Hannah Brown fan page on its own acord.

xoxo,

Cyber Claire