Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for my Sham Friends

As long-time fan of The Bachelor (and previous recaper), I’ve taken it upon myself to recap Peter Weber’s season. So here it is: my Rose Recap of Season 24 Episode 2.

The episode picks up with Hannah and Peter thinking about getting back together. There's not much that hasn't been said before but I will say that everyone needs to stop being mad at Hannah for 1. being on this date and 2. crying about an ex.

Peter decides to sends Hannah to dance practice, not the Bachelor Mansion, then cancels the rest of the date. But it's easy to pretend Hannah never left because the girls spend most of the cocktail party talking about her.

At some point during this date, Mykenna gets a Peter Weber Trademarked Kiss and Sydney gets the rose.

While most of the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party focuses on Champagne Scandal, I would be doing you a disservice to not mention Lexi, who reminds me of Amy Adams, which is the highest compliment I can give anyone. She is so level headed about Hannah and and talks about it without getting defensive. Peter calls her a goddess, they kiss and I wish the night ended here.

The whole episode takes a turn for the worse when Kelsey mentions The Champagne. Kelsey, just one of the dozen blondes vying for Peter's heart, had saved a bottle of champagne from her birthday for a special occasion and decides that now! is! the! time!

There's a little bit of drama with Mykenna that pales in comparison to what happens next: Hannah Ann sees the champagne, sits down with Peter, and proceeds to pop the bottle. Of the birthday champagne. Let me remind you of last week's post: the devil works hard, but The Bachelor producers work harder.

Eventually Peter finds Kelsey another bottle of champagne, Kelsey calls Hannah Ann a snake, I say a prayer for everyone's liver and the rose ceremony begins.

Kelley, Madison, and Sydney already have roses.

The remaining roses go to:

• Mykenna

• Victoria P

• Natasha

• Jasmine

• Sarah

• Lexi

• Hannah Ann

• Alexa

• Tammy

• Alayha

• Deandra

• Victoria F

• Shiann

• Kiarra

• Savannah

• Kelsey

We say our goodbyes to:

• Courtney

• Lauren

• Kiarra

"Time to let your personality shine!" The First Group Date

• Alexa

• Mykenna

• Natasha

• Deandra

• Lexi

• Victoria F

• Kelsey

• Hannah Ann

This date starts at Revolve and gives me Top Model vibes, and not just because former judge Janice Dickinson is there; the girls have to find two outfits and walk in a Revolve runway show. Normally I don't agree with Janice, but after almost 20 seasons of Top Model for me, and a lifetime of runways for her, we've both seen better.

The girls who stand out to the judges are Hannah Ann, who is a real life model, and Victoria, who cried when she had to pick out something to wear. To determine the winner, there's a runway showdown where Hannah Ann and Victoria walk to see who wins the entire wardrobe and is basically guaranteed an Insta sponsorship from Revolve. Naturally, Hannah Ann wins and as a bonus, secures her spot as this season's villain.

The cocktail portion of this date is a bit of a mess where Victoria cries about how she thinks she's to quiet to catch Peter's attention, and Kelsey and Hannah Ann rehashing all of the champagne drama from the night before.

Victoria gets the group date rose and Peter confronts Kelsey about being a bully. The momentum dissolves as it becomes clear that everyone believes their own narrative and is unwilling to except any portion of the other girls. The episode ends and if anyone can straighten out these girls, it'll be Demi Not Lovato next week.

as always, xoxo

Cyber Claire